维琪·马布里:希尔,你讲到了95比5法则。95%的女人都在追着最顶端的5%的男人跑。这是真的吗?
Hill Harper (star of CSI: New York and author of The Conversation): 95 percent of u
95 percent of the women are trying to date 5 percent of the men. That's somewhat in keeping with his…what he calls “the Denzel Principle.” But 95 percent of the men are trying to date 5 percent of the women as well. So, but we use a different standard for what that 5 percent is. Men use a more aesthetic standard and folks will sit back and wonder why, “How come that guy he's 40 some, 50 some years old, he's trying to go after that 28-year-old.” That 5 percent in his mind, what that i and then we look at his Denzel Principle the same thing. The flip side now and to talk about what Sherri was talking about, I wanna go back to her point. The…when I was doing research for the book and meeting and interviewing all these couples: folks had been married 70 year folks that were 10)devoutly single, serial 11)monogamou folks that'd been in and out divorce, etc. You know what you start to realize—this is what I started to realize, that's why the book's called the conversation—is that we as black men and black women aren't communicating. And the reason why there's so much misinformation, the reason why women have no clue what Steve just talked about, is because women spread misinformation amongst themselve 'cause they're talking a great deal about it, but they're just talking with themselve and to be fair, brothers do the same thing with each other. I'll give you an example. For instance, if you go out—and I just found this when doing the book—when a brother who's married, who's happily married, shows up to a group with other brother he doesn't just show up and say “Hey, my wife is so good. I'm so happy.” He's just quite about it, right? But a brother who's unhappily married he can't stop talking about it. And so what happens if you're a single brother like me? You're hearing so much from the unhappily married brothers. But what I found out when I did the book, more brothers that are married are happier than the brothers that aren't, so…but you wouldn't think that if you pull most single brother if you say: “What is it like to be a married man?” Oh man. I'm sure it's just like what my man said, “She's always on my back…”
希尔·哈伯(《犯罪现场调查:纽约》演员,《对话》作者):我们中有95%的人,95%的女人总是试图跟5%的男人约会。这个也跟他(指吉米·伊斯雷尔)的……他的《丹泽尔法则》也有相似。但是,95%的男人同样也只想跟位于顶端的5%的女人约会。所以……不过,在说到5%时,我们的标准是不一样的。男人是用一种相对美学的角度来看女人。男人们会坐在那里,奇怪为什么“那个男的已经40多50岁的样子了,他还在追求一个28岁的女人。”他脑子里那5%,就是这样,我们现在回过头看他的“丹泽尔法则”,说的也是一样的东西。另一方面,我想说说刚刚雪莉提及的。那个……我在为我的书做研究调查的时候,见过、访问过很多对夫妻:有已经结婚70年的老夫老妻,有一心一意相处下来的夫妻,还有曾经离婚又再婚的夫妻,等等。这也是大家开始觉得——至少我开始发觉,为什么把书取名为《对话》——因为我们黑人男女之间几乎没有沟通。为什么会有那么多错误的信息,为什么女人对刚刚史蒂夫说的话毫无头绪,都是因为女人们总是在女人圈里散播这些信息,她们大谈特谈,却总是与同性讨论。公平一点说,男人也会做同样的事。我给大家举个例子。当大家一起出去——我在写书的时候发现这一现象的——有个兄弟结婚了,婚姻很幸福,他与大家聚会时不会说:“嘿,我老婆真是太好了,我太幸福了。”他对这个一言不发,对吧?但如果有个伙计婚姻生活不幸福,他肯定滔滔不绝地吐苦水。那么,如果你是像我一样单身的兄弟,会发生什么事呢?你会成为婚姻不幸的兄弟倾诉苦水的垃圾桶。不过在我写书的过程中,我发现结了婚的男人比起那些单身的男人更快乐。但是当你抓住很多单身男人问:“如果变成已婚男人会怎么样?”老天,我想他们不会说:“她永远支持着我……”
Vicky Mabrey: Well, is it that because people are used to…men and women are so used to having an adversarial relationship?
维琪·马布里:嗯,这是不是因为人们总是……男人和女人已经习惯了一种敌对的状态。
Hill Harper: No, I think. I do not think it. I think it's because, like I said before, in many ways it's not clear that black men and black women are even friends anymore. And what I mean by that is that the first thing that comes out of folks' mouths cross-gender, we're talking about the other gender, is always the negative first. It's the blame game. It's the he-say-she-say—even Jacque just did it. She ran down the negatives first and then she said, “Oh, but there are some good black men out there.” Right? And it's almost a 12)subconsciou it almost happens subconsciously, and it happens everywhere. And brothers do the same thing. I mean, you can just listen to music and know that. You know, it's one of my favorite quotes I came across when I did the book. It's “The 13)feminine wants to be adored, the 14)masculine wants to be believed in.” And it's not all together clear to me that black men are adoring black women, and it's not always clear to me that black women are believing in black men.
希尔·哈伯:不,我不这么想。我想那是因为,就像我刚说的,从很多方面来说,黑人男人和女人甚至无法再做朋友。我说这句话的意思是当人们说起异性的时候,通常第一句话都是消极的。这是个相互指责的游戏,你说你的,我说我的——即使是杰奎,刚刚也是这么说的。她先数了一批消极的因素,然后她才说:“哦,不过这个世界还是有些好的黑男人的。”对吧?这些行为都是下意识的,在下意识的情况下发生,随处可见。男人其实也一样。我说,你听听音乐,都能发现这一点。我写书时看到一句我很喜欢的引语,它就是“女人是需要被呵护的,男人是需要被信任的。”但是我完全看不出黑人男人在呵护女人,我也同样看不出黑人女人在信任男人。
