Juno: So ①I'm not really sure how I'm gonna spit this out.
Brenda (Juno's step-mother): Hon, did you get expelled?
Juno: No. The school would most likely contact you in the event of my expulsion.
Brenda: Well, I was just asking. It seemed plausible.
Mac (Juno's father): What? Do you need a large amount of money? Legal counsel?
Juno: Not…I'm not asking for anything. Except for maybe mercy. Like, it would be friggin' sweet if no one hit me.
Mac: What have you done, Junebug? Did you hit someone with the Previa?
Leah (Juno's friend): Dude, I think it's best to just tell 'em.
Juno: I'm pregnant.
Brenda: Oh, God.
Juno: But I'm gonna give it up for adoption, and I already found the perfect couple. They're gonna pay for the medical expenses and everything. And…and…in thirty-odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac: You're pregnant?
Juno: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And if it is any 1)consolation, I have heartburn that is radiating in my kneecaps, and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday…morning!
Brenda: I didn't even know you were sexually active.
Mac: Who is the kid?
Juno: The baby? I don't really know much about it other than…I mean…②it has fingernails, allegedly.
Brenda: Nails? Really?
Mac: No. I don't…I mean, who is the father, Juno?
Juno: Um, it's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac: Paulie Bleeker?
Mac: ③I didn't think he had it in him!
Leah: I know, right?
Mac: Right, this is no laughing matter.
Juno: No, it's not.
Mac: You're thinking about adoption?
Juno: Yeah, yeah…and…there's this couple. They haven't had…you know, they've been trying to have a kid for like five years.
Leah: We found them in the Penny Saver next to the exotic birds.
Juno: And they have a 2)legitimate lawyer and I was gonna go meet with them next weekend.
Brenda: Junebug, that is a tough, tough thing to do. It's probably tougher than you can understand right now.
Juno: I know...and…it's just that I'm not ready to be a mom.