住在孤儿院时,我们都被告知,我们是没有父母的:“这就是为什么你们在这孤儿院里的原因。”我们还被告知,我们必须要“心怀感激”,因为在那里“有人照顾我们”。我不太清楚他们所说的“照顾”是什么意思,但可以肯定的是我没觉得受到过照顾。坦白说,我认为我们在各方面都受到了虐待、精神创伤和排斥,这就是给予我们的所谓“照顾”了。他们说,这一切都是“为了孩子的最大利益”,要根据澳洲白人的标准来抚养孩子,这点是很重要的。可是,是否有人费心问过我们这些人后来的生活,来以此判断这项政策是否是最好的?完全没有!孩子们被政府强行带走后,就像牲口一样被养大。但是,当这些人长大以后,他们该如何去应对成长过程中的这段记忆和那些情绪呢?你无法解释这种行为,而它肯定会让你有所疑惑:如果不想余生都活在否认自我身份的阴影下,该怎么办。有时候内心的憎恶让人难以忍受,因为你会想:“我为什么不能和其他人一样生活呢?”
Although we cannot change things that have happened, a journey of healing has to take place. This did not begin for me until I was 47 years old. It is an ongoing struggle of unearthing information, which through the years has 18)taken its toll in many different ways.
虽然我们无法改变已经发生了的事情,但开始一趟“疗伤之旅”却是十分必要的。直到我47岁那年,我才开始了“疗伤之旅”。这是一个不断发掘未知信息的艰难抗争过程,在过去的这些年里,它在许多方面都让我付出了无数的代价。
My first step was in 1988 when I decided to search for my government papers, which I received from Community Services in Western Australia. This was the most unexplainable feeling, to see such documents written about me and my life as a two-year-old, and to know that I was the subject of that policy of separating pale-skinned children from their parents. Until then I had been unaware of all the things that went on in those years. Through my government papers, I was able to find out where I was born and where I’d lived for the first two years of my life. The papers also gave me an insight into the type of person I was.
1988年,当我决定搜寻当年西澳大利亚社区服务机构给我发来的政府文件时,我迈出了第一步。当我读着这些关于两岁时的我及我的生活的文件,知道自己是将浅肤色孩子与其父母隔离的政策的对象时,那是一种最难以解释的感觉。在那以前,我一直都不知道那些年来所发生的一切。通过阅读这些有关我身份的文件,我终于知道了我的出生地及我在两岁前居住过的地方。这些文件也让我了解到我的真实身份——土著人。
People—whether non-aboriginal or aboriginal—who have been raised with family and lived in their own culture are able to have a 19)sound knowledge of their past and present situations. For most Australian Aborigines, having been denied the experience, gaining this knowledge generally means taking a trip to the library in search of what are known as “government papers”. This is where I discovered things about myself.
那些由家人抚养长大且生活在自己的文化氛围中的人们——无论是非土著居民还是土著居民——都能够对自己过去和现在的情况有着全面的认知。对于大多数被剥夺这种体验的澳洲土著人来说,获得这方面的认知大概意味着要前往图书馆搜寻那些被称为“政府文件”的东西。而就是在那里,我发现了关于我自己的东西。
