Nobody had a big toe like Hayden's. Hayden Tucker is my best friend, but he gets weird ideas. Like the time my grandpa and grandma took Hayden and me to the county fair1).
没人长着像海登那样的大脚趾。海登·塔克是我最要好的朋友，但他满脑子都是奇怪的想法。就拿那次我爷爷奶奶带我俩去县集市的事儿来说吧。
I reached Hayden's house at around seven in the morning and banged2) on his bedroom door.
早上七点钟左右，我来到海登家，用力拍打着他卧室的门。
"Time to go, sleepyhead," I shouted. "The Gramps3)-mobile will be here any minute."
“该出发了，大懒虫，”我大声喊着，“爷爷的车马上就到了。”
Not hearing anything, I opened the door and went in. My friend was sitting on the bed, counting. "... forty-five, forty-six—"
没有听到回应，我自己开门走了进去。我朋友正坐在床上，嘴里不停地数着：“……45，46……”
"What are you doing?"
“在干嘛呢？”
Hayden glanced at me. "Shhh. Don't mess me up4), Rick. Forty-eight, forty-nine ..."
海登看了我一眼。“嘘，别干扰我，里克。48，49……”
I walked around the bed and stopped short5). His right pant leg was rolled up to the knee, and on the end of his big toe was a plastic weight from his dad's weight-lifting6) set. Every second or so7), Hayden flexed8) his toe up, then down.
我绕着床走过去，半道突然停了下来。只见他的右腿裤脚卷到了膝盖上，而右脚大脚趾的末端悬着一个塑料砝码——那是他从他爸的举重器械里找来的。每过一秒钟左右，海登就向上抬起他的大脚趾，然后放下来。
"Get your toe stuck?"
“脚趾卡住了么？”
"No," he grunted. "I'm training for an important event."
“不是，”他咕哝道，“我在为一项重要的比赛做训练。”
I laughed. "What event? The Mr. Toeriffic9) Competition?"
我笑道：“什么比赛？‘最佳脚趾先生’大赛？”
Hayden sighed and stopped counting. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and waved it at me.
海登叹了口气，停下来不数了。他从口袋里拽出一张纸，朝我晃了晃。
"I am preparing for the River County Fair's Big Toe Contest," he announced.
“我在准备参加河县集市的大脚趾比赛呢。”他大声宣布。
I snatched the paper in mid-wave. Sure enough, in big blue letters it said:
我猛地将他晃到一半的纸抢了过来。看来的确如此，纸上用蓝色的大字写着：
The Big Toe Contest $50 First Prize
大脚趾比赛一等奖50美元
"Nobody's going to give away money for people's toes," I argued.
我争辩道：“没有人会愿意为别人的脚趾出钱的。”
"They will too. Says so right there. 'Prize money offered by the River County Fair.'"
“他们就会。这里就这么写着呢，‘奖金由河县集市赞助。’”
He was right. It even had an official-looking logo10). "But, Hay11), there must be thousands of great toes in River County. How are you going to win?"
他说得没错。上面甚至还有个看起来挺正式的赛徽。“但是，海，河县肯定好多人都有大脚趾。你要怎么赢得比赛啊？”
"I've been practicing twenty minutes every day, and soaking my toe in orange juice. Vitamin C keeps you healthy."
“我每天都这样训练20分钟，还用橙汁浸泡我的脚趾。维他命C让你保持健康。”
Hayden and I inspected12) his big toe. It did look healthy.
海登和我仔细检查了他的大脚趾，它看起来确实很健康。
Outside, a horn blasted twice. Hayden grabbed his gym bag, and we raced downstairs. The Gramps-mobile sat in the driveway. Grandma and Grandpa grinned and waved at us from the RV's13) high front seat.
门外汽车喇叭响了两声。海登抓起他的运动包，和我一块儿冲下楼。爷爷的车在车道上停着。爷爷和奶奶坐在娱乐车前排高高的座位上，笑呵呵地向我们招手。
"You boys make yourselves comfortable," said Grandma as we scrambled14) in. "We'll be there in an hour or so." The inside of the Gramps-mobile was fixed up like a little house, with a kitchen, a living room, and a bedroom. Grandma handed us two glasses of apple juice and a plate of warm blueberry muffins15).
“孩子们，你们自个儿随意，”当我们急匆匆地爬上车时，奶奶说，“我们大概一小时就能到。”爷爷的车里面装修得像个小房子，有厨房，有客厅，还有卧室。奶奶递给我们两杯苹果汁和一盘热腾腾的蓝莓松饼。
For the next few minutes we munched16) on muffins and stared out the window at the farmland. Then Hayden pulled a bottle from his gym bag. He unscrewed17) the cap and gave me a sniff. Phew! It smelled like gasoline and flowers mixed together.
接下来的几分钟，我们一边津津有味地嚼着松饼，一边盯着窗外的农场瞧。这时，海登从运动包里拿出一个小瓶子。他拧开瓶盖，让我闻了一下。咳咳！闻着像是掺和了花香的汽油味儿。
"What is18) that?"
“这是什么鬼东西？”
Hayden rubbed the liquid on his big toe. "It's supposed to keep your joints from getting stiff. I figure judges like toes that are kind of springy." Finished, he pulled two socks over his foot.
海登将那种精油抹在了他的大脚趾上。“据说它可以防止关节僵硬。我估计评委会喜欢比较有弹性的脚趾。”擦完油，他还在这只脚上套了两只袜子。
By the time we reached the fairgrounds and Grandpa bought tickets, Hayden was so excited he was jumping up and down.
等我们抵达集市，爷爷给我们买好入场券后，海登激动得上蹿下跳。
"Hold on there," said Grandpa. "Where's the fire19)?"
“你先停一停，”爷爷说，“哪来的这股子狂热劲儿啊？”
"I've got to sign up for the Big Toe Contest," Hayden explained.
“我报名参加大脚趾比赛啦。”海登解释道。
Grandma smiled. "Goodness, Hayden, I didn't know you had a big toe. Are you sure yours is ready to be judged?"
奶奶微笑着说：“天哪，海登，我都不知道你有大脚趾呢。你确信你的大脚趾准备好参赛了么？”
Hayden patted his bag. "Of course it is. I've been taking care of it for a whole month." The other Big Toe contestants were a lot older than Hayden, but he wasn't worried. "I bet they haven't been lifting weights," he whispered, climbing onto the stage. He stood between a man wearing overalls20) and a woman in a red-flowered dress. All the contestants were carrying small bags or boxes.
海登拍了拍他的包：“那当然。我已经悉心照顾了它整整一个月啦。”“大脚趾”比赛的其他参赛者都比海登年纪大得多，但他一点儿都不担心。“我敢打赌，他们肯定没有进行举重练习。”他一边轻声嘀咕着，一边爬上赛台。他站在一个穿工装裤的男人和一个穿红花裙子的女人中间。所有的参赛选手都拿着小袋儿或者小盒子。
Two men with badges clipped to their pockets walked onstage.
两名口袋上别着徽章的男子走上台来。
"We'll get started in a minute," one said, "but first we'd like to say a very special hello to our youngest contestant, eleven-year-old Hayden Tucker."
“比赛即将开始，”其中一位说，“但是首先，请允许我们特别向我们最年轻的参赛者——11岁的海登·塔克——表示欢迎。”
Hayden grinned as the crowd applauded.
随着观众的掌声响起，海登咧嘴笑了起来。
Then the judges announced, "Contestants, display your big toes," and craziness hit the stage like a thunderstorm as people dug into their boxes and bags. I lost sight of Hayden. Then I heard Grandma gasp. A little girl next to me giggled.
接着，评委们宣布：“参赛选手们，请向我们展示你们的‘大脚趾’。” 刹那间，台上像雷雨降临似的一片混乱，人们纷纷从盒子或袋子里掏着东西，我都瞧不见海登的影子了。就在这时，我听到奶奶倒抽了一口气。我身旁的一个小女孩也跟着咯咯地笑了起来。
"Mommy, look at that boy!" she squealed21).
“妈咪，快看那个男孩！”她尖声叫道。
I looked. Hayden was sitting on the stage with his right foot stuck high in the air, his naked big toe wiggling22) like mad23). The other contestants still had their shoes on. Each of them was holding up a small pickle24). It was a West India gherkin25), Grandma told me later. Folks around here called them "big toe" pickles because they grew short and stubby26), just like a lot of people's big toes.
我朝那个方向看去。只见海登坐在台上，他的右脚在空中抬得老高老高，裸露的大脚趾正疯狂地扭动着。其他参赛者都还穿着鞋呢。他们都举着一根腌过的小黄瓜。奶奶后来告诉我，那是西印度小黄瓜，这一带的当地人都管它们叫“大脚趾”腌黄瓜，因为它们长得又短又粗，就像许多人的大脚趾一样。
At that moment everybody was busy laughing—except Hayden. First his face turned red, then green.
就在那时，全场每个人都开始笑个不停——除了海登。起初他的脸一片通红，而后开始发青。
But all of a sudden he must have decided the whole thing was pretty funny because he started grinning. Then he wiggled his toe again. The crowd laughed louder.
但是突然间，他又似乎下定决心要把整件事情当成一个大玩笑，因为他忽地咧嘴一笑，又开始扭起脚趾来。台下的观众们笑得更欢了。
Eventually, the judges stopped laughing and started judging. Hayden didn't win the fifty dollars, but he did get a ribbon for having the funniest big toe in River County.
终于，评委们收起笑容，开始进行评选了。海登没有获得那50美元奖金，但他却得到一条缎带，因为他的大脚趾是河县最有趣的。
On the trip home, I couldn't resist teasing27) him.
在回家的路上，我禁不住开始打趣他。
"Boy, toeday sure was toeribble," I said. "Hope it wasn't toe hard on you." 28)
“老兄，今天真是糟透了，”我说道，“希望它没让你太难过。”
Hayden just grinned. "Wait until next month," he said. "My aunt's dance troupe29) is looking for toe dancers30). I can't wait to try out."
海登只是咧嘴笑着。“等到下个月吧，”他说，“我阿姨的舞蹈团正在招脚趾舞者(译者注：此处实指芭蕾舞演员，海登又一次望文生义了)，我正迫不及待要去参加选拔呢。”
I groaned. Hayden Tucker's big toe in a tutu31)? It was toe32) horrible to think about!
我不禁发出一声呻吟。穿着芭蕾舞裙的海登·塔克的大脚趾？这样的画面想象起来真是太恐怖了！
1. county fair:<美> 县集市(通常每年于固定地点举行，展出各种农产品和家畜并评选优劣)
2. bang [bæŋ] vi. (砰砰)猛击
3. gramps [ˈɡræmps] n. <口> 爷爷；外公
4. mess up: 干扰
5. stop short: (使)突然停住
6. weight-lifting [ˈweɪtˈlɪftɪŋ] adj. 举重的
7. or so: ……左右，……上下
8. flex [fleks] vt. 屈曲(四肢、关节等)
9. toeriffic: 这是文中的“我”用toe和terrific两个单词编造出来的词语，这里是对海登为了参赛进行大脚趾练习的一种戏谑。
10. logo [ˈləʊɡəʊ] n. (广告等用的)标识；商标
11. Hay: Hayden的昵称
12. inspect [ɪnˈspekt] vt. 检查；审视
13. RV: Recreational Vehicle，休闲车，其内部通常设有卧室、客厅、厨房和卫生间等居家的便利设施。
14. scramble [ˈskræmb(ə)l] vi. 仓促行动
15. muffin [ˈmʌfɪn] n. 松饼
16. munch [mʌntʃ] vi. 用力咀嚼；津津有味地嚼；出声咀嚼
17. unscrew [ʌnˈskruː] vt. 旋松卸下；把(瓶等)的螺纹盖旋开
18. 原文中将is斜体是为了强调，说明说话者重读了is，体现了说话者惊讶与厌恶的语气。译文中增译了“鬼”字来达到这个效果。
19. fire [ˈfaɪə(r)] n. 热情；激情
20. overall [ˌəʊvərˈɔːl] n. [～s] 工装裤
21. squeal [skwiːl] vi. 发出长而尖的叫声
22. wiggle [ˈwɪɡ(ə)l] vi. 扭动；摆动
23. like mad: 疯狂地；拼命地；猛烈地；极快地
24. pickle [ˈpɪk(ə)l] n. 腌渍食品；腌菜，泡菜(尤指酸黄瓜)
25. gherkin [ˈɡɜː(r)kɪn] n. 西印度黄瓜(指植物或其果实)
26. stubby [ˈstʌbi] adj. 短而粗的；矮壮的
27. tease [tiːz] vt. 戏弄，逗弄
28. 此处的toeday、toeribble和toe意思实为today、terrible和too。由于在发音上toe与to、te和too比较相近，这里叙述者为了表示对海登将the big toe contest简单地误解为“大脚趾比赛”的一种嘲弄，不停地提及toe这个音，试图使他难堪。中译文试图用“天”“透”和“太”来模仿英文toeday、toeribble和toe中toe的读音，但却无法通过“脚趾”这个词进行嘲讽。这就是翻译中的不可译之处。
29. troupe [truːp] n. (尤指巡回演出的演员、歌手等组成的)团，班，队
30. toe dancer: 指芭蕾舞蹈中的跳脚尖舞者，这里为了表示海登对这个词语的误解，特意直译为“脚趾舞者”。
31. tutu [ˈtuːtuː] n. (芭蕾舞女演员穿的)短裙
32. toe: 这里的toe实为too。