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坏孩子的故事 by 马克·吐温

坏孩子  书本里都是这样讲的:好孩子规矩听话,一路好运连连;坏孩子捣鬼使坏,最终遭到惩罚。可当一本正经的道德教科书遭遇水深火热的现实“江湖”时,还能这么气定神闲地正襟危坐吗?如果你从没怀疑过自己听过的故事,如果你还在现实中按图索骥,如果你仍沉浸在“好人上天堂,坏人下地狱”的人间童话里做美梦,那就请来看看马克·吐温笔下这个坏孩子的故事吧。也许从这里你会看到什么叫教条的虚伪、道德的倾覆、人生的荒唐、现实的残酷。


  
  Once there was a bad little boy whose name was Jim—though, if you will notice, you will find that bad little boys are nearly always called James in your Sunday-school1) books. It was strange, but still it was true that this one was called Jim.
   从前有个坏孩子,名叫吉姆——不过,如果你稍加留意,便可发现,在你的主日学校课本里,几乎所有的坏孩子都叫詹姆斯。虽说奇怪,但事实如此,这一位就叫吉姆。 

 He didn’t have any sick mother either—a sick mother who was pious2) and had the consumption3), and would be glad to lie down in the grave and be at rest but for4) the strong love she bore her boy, and the anxiety she felt that the world might be harsh and cold towards him when she was gone. Most bad boys in the Sunday-books are named James, and have sick mothers, who teach them to say, “Now, I lay me down,” etc. and sing them to sleep with sweet, plaintive voices, and then kiss them good-night, and kneel down by the bedside and weep. But it was different with this fellow. He was named Jim, and there wasn’t anything the matter with his mother—no consumption, nor anything of that kind. She was rather stout than otherwise, and she was not pious; moreover, she was not anxious on Jim’s account5). She said if he were to break his neck it wouldn’t be much loss. She always spanked Jim to sleep, and she never kissed him good-night; on the contrary, she boxed his ears when she was ready to leave him.
  吉姆可没有什么生病的母亲——一位笃信上帝、身患肺病的母亲,一位乐于躺进坟墓里安息却又爱子心切、担心自己一死儿子就要遭受世间凄苦风雨的母亲。然而,主日学校课本里的坏孩子却大都叫詹姆斯,并且都有一位生病的母亲。她们都教自己的儿子学说“我要躺下睡觉”这样的话,都用温柔凄婉的歌声哄孩子入睡,然后用一个吻向他们道晚安,还会跪在他们床边潸然泪下。可是,这个小家伙情况不同。他名叫吉姆,他的母亲安然无恙——没生肺病,也没有别的毛病。她不但不虚弱,反而挺健壮,而且不怎么敬重上帝;此外,也不怎么为吉姆牵肠挂肚。她常说,即便吉姆折断了脖子,对她来说也不是什么大事儿。她总是用打屁股的办法催吉姆睡觉,从来不吻他来道晚安;相反,起身离开时,还要赏他几个耳光。

  Once this little bad boy stole the key of the pantry6), and slipped in there and helped himself to some jam, and filled up the vessel with tar, so that his mother would never know the difference; but all at once a terrible feeling didn’t come over him, and something didn’t seem to whisper to him, “Is it right to disobey my mother? Isn’t it sinful to do this? Where do bad little boys go who gobble up7) their good kind mother’s jam?” and then he didn’t kneel down all alone and promise never to be wicked any more, and rise up with a light, happy heart, and go and tell his mother all about it, and beg her forgiveness, and be blessed by her with tears of pride and thankfulness in her eyes. No; that is the way with all other bad boys in the books; but it happened otherwise with this Jim, strangely enough. He ate that jam, and said it was bully8), in his sinful, vulgar way; and he put in the tar, and said that was bully also, and laughed, and observed “that the old woman would get up and snort9)” when she found it out; and when she did find it out, he denied knowing anything about it, and she whipped him severely, and he did the crying himself. Everything about this boy was curious—everything turned out differently with him from the way it does to the bad James in the books.
  一次,吉姆这个坏家伙偷了厨房的钥匙,悄悄地溜进去,偷吃了果酱,又把果酱瓶里装满了焦油,这样他的母亲就永远不会看出破绽;吉姆并没有顿生恐惧,也不觉得仿佛有什么声音悄然对他说:“不听妈妈的话对吗?这么做不是罪过吗?坏孩子们偷吞了自己善良母亲的果酱之后会不会下地狱?”吉姆也没有独自跪倒在地,保证今后不再作恶,然后轻松愉快地站起身来,对母亲告以实情,请求宽恕;母亲也没有泪流满面、心怀感激地向他祝福。不。这是课本中其他坏孩子的情况;至于吉姆,完全是另一码事。你说怪不!吉姆偷吃了果酱,还说真棒,那副作恶的样子可真是粗俗;他把焦油装进果酱瓶,也说真棒,还哈哈大笑,说那老太婆发现之后“必定会气得暴跳如雷,哼哼呀呀地说不出话来”;后来母亲果然发现了,但他矢口否认,硬说不知道,结果挨了一顿臭揍,泪流满面的竟是他自己。吉姆什么事都干得稀奇,与课本上的詹姆斯们迥然不同。

  Once he climbed up in Farmer Acorn’s apple-tree to steal apples, and the limb didn’t break, and he didn’t fall and break his arm, and get torn by the farmer’s great dog, and then languish on a sick bed for weeks, and repent10) and become good. Oh! no; he stole as many apples as he wanted and came down all right; and he was all ready for the dog too, and knocked him endways11) with a brick when he came to tear him. It was very strange—nothing like it ever happened in those mild little books. Nothing like it in any of the Sunday-school books.
  有一次,他爬到农场主阿科恩的苹果树上偷苹果。可是,树枝没有折断,他既没有从树上跌下来摔断胳膊,也没有因为被农场主的大狗咬伤而不得不可怜兮兮地卧床数周,当然也没有悔过自新。总之,绝没有那回事;吉姆偷够了苹果之后,安然爬下树来;对那条大狗,他也早有准备,那条狗一扑过来,他就一砖头扔过去,把它打了个四仰八叉。说也奇怪——这类事情那些文雅的小书里从未写过。吉姆遇到的这种情况,任何主日学校的课本都没写过。 

   Once he stole the teacher’s pen-knife, and, when he was afraid it would be found out and he would get whipped, he slipped it into George Wilson’s cap—poor Widow Wilson’s son, the moral boy, the good little boy of the village, who always obeyed his mother, and never told an untruth, and was fond of his lessons, and infatuated with12) Sunday-school. And when the knife dropped from the cap, and poor George hung his head and blushed, as if in conscious guilt, and the grieved teacher charged the theft upon13) him, and was just in the very act of bringing the switch down upon his trembling shoulders, a white-haired improbable justice of the peace did not suddenly appear in their midst, and strike an attitude14) and say, “Spare this noble boy—there stands the cowering15) culprit16)! I was passing the school-door at recess17), and unseen myself, I saw the theft committed!” And then Jim didn’t get whaled18), and the venerable justice didn’t read the tearful school a homily19) and take George by the hand and say such a boy deserved to be exalted, and then tell him to come and make his home with him, and sweep out the office, and make fires, and run errands20), and chop wood, and study law, and help his wife to do household labors, and have all the balance of the time to play, and get forty cents a month, and be happy. No; it would have happened that way in the books, but it didn’t happen that way to Jim. No meddling old clam21) of a justice dropped in to make trouble, and so the model boy George got thrashed, and Jim was glad of it because, you know, Jim hated moral boys. Jim said he was “down on them milk-sops22).” Such was the coarse language of this bad, neglected boy.
  有一次,吉姆偷了老师的铅笔刀,但又害怕被老师发现了会挨鞭子受罚,于是便把小刀偷偷地塞进乔治·威尔逊的帽子里——乔治是可怜的寡妇威尔逊太太的儿子,他品行端正,被公认为是村里的好孩子。乔治对母亲的教诲从不违拗,一向诚实,而且勤敏好学,对主日学校尤为崇信。可是,后来那把小刀竟从他的帽子里掉了出来,可怜的乔治耷拉着脑袋,羞得无地自容,好像真的自认有罪。而那位伤心的老师也只好认定小刀是他偷的。当老师举起细软的鞭子,准备抽打他那发抖的双肩时,那位纯属杜撰的白发地方治安官并没有突然出现,更没有装模作样地说:“饶恕这位品德高尚的孩子吧——罪犯正缩在一边发抖呢!在休息时间,我正好从校门口路过。没人看到我,我却看到了偷窃的人!”之后,乔治并没有挨打,那位可敬的地方治安官也没有再向感激涕零的师生们说教,而是牵起乔治的手,说他这样的孩子值得称赞。然后,他让乔治来跟自己同住,让他打扫办公室,生火,跑差,劈柴,学法律,帮治安官太太料理家务,工余时间尽情玩耍,每月领取四角钱的报酬,自行其乐。不。书上会这样写,但吉姆遇到的情况却不是这样。那个爱管闲事、守口如瓶的老不死法官没有插手来制造麻烦,结果,模范孩子乔治挨了一顿臭揍,吉姆高兴得手舞足蹈。因为,您知道,吉姆恨透了那些好孩子。吉姆说他“最瞧不起这些娘娘腔”。那个没教养的坏孩子吉姆说起话来就是这么粗俗。

  But the strangest thing that ever happened to Jim was the time he went boating on Sunday, and didn’t get drowned, and that other time that he got caught out in the storm when he was fishing on Sunday, and didn’t get struck by lighting. Why, you might look, and look, all through the Sunday-school books from now till next Christmas, and you would never come across anything like this. Oh no; you would find that all the bad boys who go boating on Sunday invariably get drowned; and all the bad boys who get caught out in storms when they are fishing on Sunday infallibly23) get struck by lightning. Boats with bad boys in them always upset on Sunday, and it always storms when bad boys go fishing on the Sabbath24). How this Jim ever escaped is a mystery to me.
  但是,发生在吉姆身上奇而又奇的一桩事是:他在一个礼拜天去划船,竟然没有被淹死(译者注:星期日教徒应该去教堂做礼拜);又一个礼拜天他去钓鱼,虽然遇上了暴风雨,竟然也没有遭雷击。嗨,您不妨去看看主日学校的全部图书,从头至尾,反复阅读,直至下一个圣诞节,保证您绝不会在书上发现这种事情。噢,绝对不会;相反,您会发现,所有在礼拜天划船的坏孩子没有一个不被淹死的,所有在礼拜天钓鱼又遇上暴风雨的坏孩子全都遭了雷击。礼拜天载着坏孩子的船只总是翻船,安息日去钓鱼的坏孩子指定得碰上暴风雨。至于这个吉姆怎么总是能避开这些灾难,我还真说不清个中的缘由。

  This Jim bore a charmed life25)—that must have been the way of it. Nothing could hurt him. He even gave the elephant in the menagerie26) a plug of tobacco, and the elephant didn’t knock the top of his head off with his trunk. He browsed around the cupboard after essence of peppermint, and didn’t make a mistake and drink aqua fortis27). He stole his father’s gun and went hunting on the Sabbath, and didn’t shoot three or four of his fingers off. He struck his little sister on the temple28) with his fist when he was angry, and she didn’t linger in pain through long summer days, and die with sweet words of forgiveness upon her lips that redoubled the anguish of his breaking heart. No; she got over it. He ran off and went to sea at last, and didn’t come back and find himself sad and alone in the world, his loved ones sleeping in the quiet churchyard, and the vine-embowered home of his boyhood tumbled down and gone to decay. Ah! no; he came home as drunk as a piper29), and got into the station-house the first thing.
  吉姆生来就有符咒庇佑——准是有符咒庇佑。任何事儿都伤害不着他。他游动物园时居然塞给大象一捆烟叶,可那大象也没有甩开长鼻子敲碎他的脑壳。他翻遍食厨寻找薄荷香精,却从来没有错把硝酸喝进肚里。在安息日,他偷了父亲的枪出去打猎,也没有崩掉三四个手指头。他一时气急,在小妹的太阳穴上打了一拳,小妹也没有头痛不止,过夏就死,临终留下宽恕温柔的话语,令他破碎的心灵倍感痛苦。不。她居然康复了。最后,吉姆终于离家出走,在海上流浪。但是,当他回来的时候,并没有感到景况凄凉、孤苦无助,也没见他挚爱的亲人长眠于安静的教堂墓地,那座他童年时墙上爬满青藤的房屋也没有破败不堪、行将倒塌。啊,不。他跟个浪人似的喝得酩酊大醉,没进家门就进了警察局。

  And he grew up and married, and raised a large family, and brained30) them all with an axe one night, and got wealthy by all manner of cheating and rascality31); and now he is the infernalest32) wickedest scoundrel33) in his native village, and is universally respected, and belongs to the Legislature.
  后来吉姆长大了,结婚了,成了家,养了一大群儿女。一天晚上,他突然抡起板斧砸碎了全家人的脑袋。吉姆用尽各种流氓手段,欺诈坑骗,发了大财;现在,他横行乡里,成了心毒手狠的坏蛋,却受人敬重,还进了地方立法机关。

  So you see there never was a bad James in the Sunday-school books that had such a streak of luck as this sinful Jim with the charmed life. 
   诸位请看,主日学校的课本中可从来没有哪一个坏小子詹姆斯能像这位有符咒庇佑、无法无天的吉姆这样走运,把日子过得如此称心如意的。

  1. Sunday-school:主日学校 
  2. pious [5paIEs] adj. 虔诚的,尽责的
  3. consumption [kEn5sQmpFEn] n. 肺病
  4. but for:倘没有,要不是
  5. on one’s account:为了某人
  6. pantry [5pAntrI] n. 餐具室, 食品室
  7. gobble up:狼吞虎咽;贪婪地抓住
  8. bully [5bulI] adj.〈口〉第一流的;特好的
  9. snort [snC:t] vi. 发出哼声;喷出
  10. repent [rI5pent] vi. 后悔,忏悔
  11. endways [5endweIz] adv. 末端向上地;两端连接地
  12. infatuate with:迷恋,陶醉;被……冲昏头脑
  13. charge … upon:将……归咎于
  14. strike an attitude:装腔作势
  15. cowering [5kauErIN] adj. 畏缩的
  16. culprit [5kQlprIt] n. 犯人
  17. at recess:在休息时间
  18. whale [weIl] vt. 猛揍;使惨败
  19. homily [5hCmIlI] n. (冗长乏味的)说教;(尤指讲解《圣经》的)布道
  20. run errands:供差遣;捎信;跑腿
  21. clam [klAm] n. 嘴巴紧的人,守口如瓶的人
  22. milk-sop [5mIlksRp] n. 懦弱的人
  23. infallibly [In5fAlEblI] adv. 绝对无误地
  24. Sabbath [5sAbEW] n. 安息日
  25. bear a charmed life:天佑神庇;吉人自有天相
  26. menagerie [mI5nAdVErI] n. 动物园,动物展览
  27. aqua fortis:[化]硝酸
  28. temple [5templ] n. 太阳穴
  29. as drunk as a piper:〈口〉烂醉如泥,酩酊大醉
  30. brain [breIn] vt. 猛击……的头部
  31. rascality [rB:5skAlEtI] n. 坏事,恶行;卑鄙行为;流氓行为
  32. infernal [In5fE:nl] adj. 地狱的;恶魔的;可憎的
  33. scoundrel [5skaundrEl] n.无赖,恶棍

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