文字难度：★★☆
When I was first 1)incarcerated in 1987, the hardest part of 2)doing prison time was being away from my children. This is common with most of the women in prison, so often stories of our children are shared among each other.
Renee, a friend I had met in prison, was doing seven years for drug charges. She had a five-year-old son that her parents were raising. She and the grandparents had told the five-year-old that Renee was away at school in order to protect him from the fear and humiliation of his mother being incarcerated. Renee would call her son often and promise him that it wouldn’t be long before they’d be reunited again.
One evening, after talking to her son, Renee came to me with tears in her eyes. Her son had asked if she would be home soon. Renee made the regular promise that it wouldn’t be too much longer now. The boy asked, “Can we go to the duck pond when you get home?” She assured him that they would.
1987年,我第一次被关进监狱,服刑期间最难熬的要数骨肉分离之苦。狱中大多数女人都有同感,所以,我们常常相互分享自己孩子的故事。
蕾妮是我在狱中认识的一个朋友。她因涉毒被判入狱七年,正在服刑。她有一个五岁大的儿子,由她父母抚养着。为了避免儿子因为母亲被监禁而感到恐惧和耻辱,蕾妮和她父母都告诉这个五岁大的孩子,说蕾妮到外地读书去了。蕾妮常常给她儿子打电话,还向他保证不久就会和他重聚。
一天晚上,蕾妮和她儿子通完电话后来找我,她满眼是泪。她儿子问她是否很快就回家。蕾妮像往常一样向他许诺,说不用多久就能和他重聚了。男孩问道:“等你回家后,我们能去那个养鸭子的池塘玩吗?”她向他保证一定去。
In the innocence of a child, he had proudly announced that he was saving up the bread already. Renee’s heart 3)wrenched imagining the huge pile of 4)moldy bread that would be piled up before she would be able to keep her promise to this 5)trusting five-year-old.
We cried together, and she somehow made it through the crisis. I was shocked when, only a few weeks later, she came to me seeking advice. She had just received her 6)State pay—twenty-five dollars for the month—and had the opportunity to buy a half of a pill for twenty-five dollars. It would leave her 7)broke for the rest of the month, but Renee really wanted to buy the pill. It would be dissolved and 8)shot up for a high. She felt that she deserved the “treat” because prison was so hard, she was so lonely and it was almost her birthday. I’m sure Renee had other reasons, but my head was still spinning from the fact that she could even consider it with a five-year-old son waiting to share her life with him.
Since I don’t 9)do drugs and never have, I couldn’t imagine what kind of high could be greater than spending time with your child. Before I realized what I was saying, I 10)blurted out, “You’re grown, and you have to make your own decisions, but think how much bread that twenty-five dollars could buy.” The statement was like throwing ice water in Renee’s face. She caught her breath, whirled around and walked away from me before I could take back my statement. I felt terrible. It was cruel of me to have made such a statement, I thought. Who was I to judge another person? I knew I had ruined a good friendship.
天真无邪的他自豪地向妈妈宣告,他已经开始攒面包了。蕾妮顿觉心头一紧,试想,在自己向信任她的五岁的儿子兑现承诺之前,将有多大一堆发霉的面包被积攒起来啊。
我们一同哭泣,而她后来也总算熬过了这个难关。仅仅几周后,当她到我这寻求建议时,我很震惊。她刚收到了国家发给她的劳动补助金——每月25美元——并且能找到门路用这些钱去买半粒毒品。那会使她在那个月余下的日子里分文不剩,但蕾妮真的想买毒品。那半粒药会先被溶解,然后注射进体内,让人感觉飘飘欲仙。监狱生活很艰苦,她又很孤独,而且她的生日快到了,她觉得自己应该得到那份“款待”。我确信蕾妮还有别的理由,但我脑子直打转,想不通,知道自己那五岁的儿子在等着她回去共享天伦之乐,她竟然还能对毒品动念。
我不吸毒,也没试过吸毒,所以我无法想象怎样一种“飘飘欲仙”,能比和孩子共度时光更重要。我来不及细想就脱口而出道:“你是个成年人了,得自己做决定。但你想想,那25美元能买到多少面包啊。”这话就像朝蕾妮泼了一脸冰水一般。我还来不及收回自己的话,她已屏住呼吸急转身,从我身边走开了。我感觉糟透了。说出这样的话让我觉得自己很残忍。我是谁?有什么资格去评价别人?我知道我毁了一段美好的友谊。
I didn’t see Renee for several days, so I wasn’t sure if she had used the State pay for the 11)coveted half-pill. I felt miserable. Finally, Renee joined me at a table in the lobby, looking 12)sheepish. I hugged her without asking about her decision—it was none of my business. She 13)volunteered the information, anyway. Renee had not bought the pill.
She said, “You were right, Lucy. It will buy a lot of bread.” It’s been ten years since I’ve seen Renee, but she still writes and lets me know that she still hasn’t done drugs, although tempted. She always thinks about how much bread the cost of the drugs will buy. Renee and her son now visit the duck pond often. She continues to thank me for reminding her of what that one moment of weakness almost cost her.
我好几天没见着蕾妮,所以我不确定她有没有拿补助金去买那半粒她热切渴望的毒品。我感觉很难受。最终,在休息室里,蕾妮坐到我这张桌子来,她看上去很羞怯。我拥抱了她,没问她的决定——那不关我的事。但她主动说了出来。蕾妮没有买毒品。
她说道:“露茜,你说的很对。那笔钱可以用来买很多面包了。”上次见到蕾妮已经是十年前了,不过她仍会写信给我,让我知道,即使诱惑重重,她依然没吸毒。她总会想用来买毒品的钱可以买多少面包。蕾妮和她的儿子现在常常去那个养鸭子的池塘玩。她一直感谢我提醒了她——一时的软弱几乎毁了她的整个人生。