A friend of mine went on vacation some time back. She had saved all of her rainy day money to go out of town and spend a relaxing quiet night at a Hampton Inn.
When I asked her about her trip, she frowned and explained:
Upon pulling up to the Hampton Inn, it was just a beautiful hotel. The exterior landscaping was just breath taking. She unloaded her three bags and suitcase and proceeded into the main lobby. Oh, they had an exquisite waterfall and 1)complimentary cookies and hot coffee. She was so ready to relax and enjoy her mini-vacation. When she went to check in, she 2)anted up $129.64 and paid cash. But what followed seemed a little unexpected, she was given a trash bag, a roll of toilet paper, and an 3)underarm 4)deodorant. But despite these odd 5)amenities, the desk clerk was pleasant and all she wanted to do was just lie down. Unfortunately, the hotel didn’t have an elevator and the clerk put her upstairs. As she climbed the stairs and walked towards her room, she began to smell an unexplainable odor 6)reeking from several of the rooms. She dropped her luggage at the door and opened up to what she thought would be the most serene comfortable room. WRONG! The bed looked like it had been slept in; the bathroom towels were on the floor beside an obviously used and dirty toilet. She opened the mini-fridge to find 7)mold growing on some kind of fruit that smelled so bad it took her breath away. As she looked around in dismay, she decided to leave her luggage at the door and sit down on the bed despite her utter confusion. It was at this point that she noticed several bugs coming towards her. She jumped up and pulled the covers back to find soiled 8)bed linens, and I mean someone got it in the you-know-what. The bugs were having a party and she was sure they thought she was bringing dessert. She grabbed her luggage and 9)literally ran back to the front desk. She explained to the clerk how 10)appalled she was with her room and wanted a 11)refund immediately. The desk clerk explained that the hotel owner had adopted a new “house keeping policy” and that had she read the posted sign (to her left) she would have been aware. And no, they would not refund her money.
Now, obviously, she didn’t say but she did take this sign as a souvenir. This is what it read:
Thanks for Staying here at our
Due to our extremely high utility bills,
And increasing lack of reliable staffing,
We here at the Hampton
Have adoapted a new “House Keeping Policy.”
Our housekeepers will service each and every room
In our Hotel once a week.
Every room will still have amenities, including:
Lotion, shampoo and 12)conditioner, hand soap, and now for
Your convenience a can of air freshener and Rid X 13)Lice Shampoo.
Upon check-in, each guest will receive
A trash bag, a roll of toilet paper and an underarm deodorant.
Should your room need to have these amenities refilled,
Just give the desk a 14)buzz,
And they will be more than happy to give you our refill jugs for you to refill the 15)dispenser of your choice.
We are more than willing to get you replacement bedding and bath linens upon request if they are soiled and/or stained with foul 16)body odor (this includes bodily fluids stains that are APPARENT).
However, you will need to provide us with proof that this is the case.
We respectfully ask that upon checking out of your room
That you leave the room in the condition you found it.
Incoming guests would greatly appreciate, if
You would make their beds and spray air freshener (if you smelled the room up).
Please throw all of your garbage in the rear 17)dumpster, as we only spray our Inn once every six months for 18)cockroaches, ants, and bed bugs.
We here at the Hampton
Understand your growing concerns.
Please feel free to inquire about the guest that stayed in your room prior to your stay.
I would like to assure you that your stay here
Will be as always,
A pleasant and comfortable stay!